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Thinking Ahead – PAIL Monthly Theme Post

July 17, 2012

This months theme post on PAIL is on the topic of having more children.

It’s a little odd to be thinking about having another baby when we haven’t even had our first yet, but it’s definitely a topic that A and I have talked about, seeing as how we’re both planners.

When I was younger, I wanted six kids. I know, right? That’s a lot! But then, I was young with many child-bearing years ahead of me. I was ignorant of the realities of pregnancy, of what pregnancy loss felt like and lived in a blissful state where having babies would be easy as pie.

Did reality ever bite me in the ass!

It’s a little ironic that this theme post comes a year after we had our loss. I’m very much aware now of how precious life is and how tenuous pregnancy can be. Despite the fact that this pregnancy has been healthy and most importantly, successful, I’m still terrified of having another miscarriage. That fear won’t ever go away.

Still, I’ve never been one to let fear rule my life. I made a decision last year as to how I wanted to live my life post-loss, and so, after a period of time, we will try to have another baby. We’re hoping to have them about two years apart. But I think two will be our max. Finances are of course a consideration in how many kids we have, as is space in the house, but more than that is age. I’m 34 and just having our first now. A is 36 (though his age isn’t as much of a factor). If our two year plan works, I’ll be 36, almost 37 when our second is born. I have the utmost respect for women having kids in their late 30’s, early 40’s but I don’t particularly want to be one of them. I’d rather not be dealing with teenagers in my 60’s πŸ™‚

If I was younger, sure. No problem, bring on the kiddies (there’s a reason we’re biologically able to have kids in our early teens…stamina!). But I’m not younger and have most definitely come to terms with that.

I love my life. No, scratch that. I love OUR life. And our family will we perfect for us, regardless of the number of kids we have.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Julie Anita permalink
    July 18, 2012 10:10 pm

    Here from PAIL πŸ™‚

    Just wanted to say 37 weeks 5 days, wow! You’re a day more pregnant than I’ve ever been. GOOD LUCK! You’re about to start the best part of your life πŸ˜€

  2. July 19, 2012 1:53 pm

    I love the peace that you are feeling with this. Despite my pregnancy losses, I’ve also decided to put away my fear, and not let it rule my life, choices, or emotions. Feeling scared now, feeling the pain of “what if” now, certainly does NOT take away any pain that might eventually come. So I choose to feel the joy that I have today fully, and hope that the pain just never comes, but if it does then at least I had the joy today. I had to laugh about having teens in your 60s. πŸ™‚ I haven’t ever added that part up. I think 40 is my cut off date, just because of the dangers inherent in it, and I’m already so screwed up, girly parts-wise, why risk it? But we’ll see. I may live to eat those words. πŸ™‚

  3. July 24, 2012 5:10 pm

    best of luck on the delivery of your baby! so exciting! (here from PAIL)

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  1. july 2012 – monthly theme posts – family building – PAIL Bloggers

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