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Lucky Thoughts

March 21, 2012

Over the past few days, I’ve been feeling particularly lucky. I’m lucky to have fabulous friends and family, I’m lucky to have my health, I’m lucky to have the love of my life at my side til death do us part and I’m lucky to have this wee baby growing inside of me.

As I sit here typing, I can feel the baby tap-tap-tapping away. Every day it gets bigger, and though at times it’s made me miserable (case in point, dealing with the round ligament pain that returned yesterday to the point where I could barely walk), that misery is a sign that my body is doing what it needs to be doing: supporting the precious life we made. I’m trying to embrace it 🙂

I’ve been thinking a lot about the baby we lost last year. Right after I miscarried, I told myself that I would give everything in the world to have that baby back. But when I ask myself now if I would change things, the answer would be no. To have that baby back, I would have to let go of this one and there is no force strong enough on earth to make that happen.

I’ve come to realize that as painful as losing our baby was, there were positives that came out of it: a stronger relationship with A and more time with just him to grow into who we are now as husband and wife; recognizing the strength in myself to push through the heartbreak and learn to heal; and of course, this baby I’m carrying now.

I’m not saying it happened for a reason. I don’t believe in fate. But I do believe that the things that happen to us and the choices we make as a result of those events, lead us down a path that might never have been.

I am so happy to be on this path right now, at this moment in my life.

As I said, I’m so lucky to have all that I do.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Dawn green permalink
    March 21, 2012 6:22 pm

    As I read your blog I’m reminded that it was 7 years ago today that Curtis and I lost our first little guy at 20 weeks. Like you I realized a long time ago that as horrible losing that child was without it happending I wouldn’t have Dylan. I can’t believe he will be 6 on April 11. And of course i would never had our sweet Leah.
    I wish you all the best and hope for a happy healthy baby. Enjoy the ride it goes to quick!
    Dawn

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