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Level of Comfort

November 30, 2010

I had a thought. Bare in mind that I”m tired but can’t sleep so I may not express this thought coherently. Apologies in advance if that’s the case.

Here’s my thought: Am I too comfortable?

“Comfortable in what way C?” you ask. “Too comfortable with yourself? Too comfortable with others? Too comfortable to other people to the extent that they become too comfortable with you and therefore feel like they don’t need to make a serious effort to woo you, because things are so ‘comfortable’ they think they’re set?”

Ah! The last one. You nailed it on the head! It occurred to me that all the guys I’ve dated in the past year and a half (R, A, M and most recently N), have all told me they’re comfortable with me. Now up until this point I took this as a huge compliment, thinking that this was something that made me stand out from the other girls. But is it a compliment? I’m not so sure anymore.

Let’s discuss the pros and cons of being comfortable:

Pros

Cons

We can talk about anything Does comfortable mean boring?
They’re not shy or nervous with me Guys might stop the wooing
My crazy is turned off when I’m comfortable. Too much sharing
  There’s no mystery if they’re comfortable, meaning my appeal may lessen

I’ve run out of pros. The thing is, I like being comfortable. I hate the uncertainty and nervousness that comes with dating, so comfortable is good for me as far having no anxiety, since, when I’m anxious, I tend to turn on the crazy. No one wants that.

But if what the ‘experts’ say is true and that men like a woman to have a certain mystery and play hard to get, then I lose that edge as soon as we get ‘comfortable’.

So how do I turn off my comfortable-ness? I’m not sure that I can. I’ve always been that person that random strangers tell their most intimate secrets too. I think it’s because I have a face that reminds everyone of someone they know, which makes me a trustworthy soul. Maybe my comfortable-ness is so ingrained it cannot be removed.

Sigh. I suppose I’ll just have live with it and hope that I find a guy who wants a girl who’s comfortable. Not everyone wants mystery and excitement, right? Right?

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  1. Date #4 « According To C

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