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The weirdness of me

November 19, 2010

The weird thing about me is, that as sad as I am about N and I not working out, I actually feel really good right now.

Make sense? Maybe not to some of you, but in my world, if I’m in limbo and don’t know what’s going on, I’m a mess. I am very aware of who I am and I absolutely do not deal well with uncertainty and lack of knowledge. As far as I’m concerned, knowledge is power, and those of you who know me know that I have at my disposal an insane amount of information. A startlingly large number of my sentences begin with “Did you know…” or “Did you hear about…” or  “I read somewhere that…”

Some of  it is useful, some of it not, and my family regularily makes fun of me (I take no offense. It’s true!), but my knowledge is there and it is a great comfort me. So it makes sense that knowing that N and I are finally done (sort of)  is considerably less painful for me than wondering what the HECK was going to happen.

I’m definitely not ready to move on, I know that. I keep thinking of things that he did or said when we were actually dating and it makes me miss what we could have had. But it’s not going to cause a serious depression. I’m not going to mope around cursing how unlucky in love I seem to be (well, maybe once or twice I might). I’m going to enjoy my hiatus from dating and take the time to just be me.

And ‘me’ is pretty darn awesome!

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