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Thoughts in my Thirties

November 4, 2010

It took me a very, VERY long time to come to the following realization: when it comes to relationships, perfection doesn’t exist.

In my twenties, I thought I had it all planned out. I’d meet someone, fall in love instantly, get married and have babies before the age of 30. And I expected this to just miraculously happen without much heartbreak or disappointment. I had this unrealistic expectation that things would just fall into place effortlessly, that everything would be perfect as soon as I met my match.

Ha!

Here I am, 32 (almost 33. Two months today! Yikes!), with no sign of marriage or babies in the near future (I’m working on it!). But I feel closer than I ever have been before. There’s no way I was ready for marriage 10 years ago. Not even five years ago. I needed life experience first.

In the past year and a half I have had more heartbreak and disappointment than I did in the entirety of my twenties. That would be a deterrent for some but I wouldn’t change it for a moment, because I find myself finally coming down to earth concerning the realities of relationships and that puts me in a better place to actually HAVE a relationship. Relationships aren’t perfect. They don’t just happen. They take time and effort and patience and come in so many different shapes and sizes. The road to commitment isn’t always smoothly paved, but has hills and bumps and pot holes. You have to continually work to fix those problems.

And even once you take that step and commit yourself to someone through marriage, you still have to work on it. I read an article yesterday about the realities of the first year of marriage and how hard it can be (Click HERE to read). I’m no longer under any illusions that it’s the paradise I always though it to be. Despite that, it’s still something I strive for. I want a partner in life, someone to navigate those pot holes with. I’m just more realistic about how I’ll get there and what it’ll be like once I arrive.

Life continues to throw me relationship curve balls and change my status quo. Even as I type, I have a few interesting things afoot in my love life. I’m going to hold off on writing about those things until I’ve wrapped my head around them, but I’m excited about it. Fingers crossed I’ll have something positive to write about soon! In the mean time, I’ve been so appreciative of all the support y’all have given me over the past few months. It means something to me to share my journey.

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