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Delusions of Grandeur?

September 16, 2010

Question: Is being hopeful the same as being delusional?

I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately. Is my hope that things will work out with N a delusion of grand proportions? Am I wasting my time? Or am I reading the situation correctly and he’ll come around?

The situation, without revealing too many personal details (on his part) is that he is having surgery tomorrow which will finally deal with the health issue that was the root of all of this uncertainty with him, back in July. We did see each other over the Labour Day long weekend, but communication has been sporadic since then. My take is that he needs to deal with this, once and for all, and won’t be ready to focus on me until it’s over and he can get back to living his life. I support him 100% in his need to get better, as hard as it is for me waiting on the sidelines.

But…(And it’s a big but)….There’s a part of me that’s wondering if his absence is once again a case of ‘he’s just not that into me’. If this had been a normal dating situation, I would say yes it is and would leave it at that. But this hasn’t been normal by any means. He hasn’t been himself and has obviously had other priorities. I owe it to him to give him a chance to regroup enough to give ME a chance. Does that make sense? And I owe it to myself too. I have to try. I know I will reach a point in the next couple of weeks where I’m going to have to move on if I don’t hear from him, but in the meantime, patience is yet again going to be my constant companion.

So maybe I am deluded. But for now, I’m ok with that, because at least my delusions have a potentially happy ending.

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