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Throw caution to the wind

August 31, 2010

Not too long ago, I was an overly cautious gal when it came to love and romance. When my first real ‘relationship’ ended in university (I use that word loosely, because I had no idea what a relationship meant at that point), I was devastated. I took it personally and developed a fear of rejection that crippled any chances I may have had to find a mate in the years to come.

That all changed a few years ago when I realized I was more afraid of being alone than of being rejected. So I jumped into dating. It took a couple of years though and a lot of first dates (and a couple of seconds) to realize that I was still holding back. When I met S last year, that all changed. I decided to open myself up completely and put my whole self into being with him. It didn’t work out with him in the end (obviously) but I don’t regret how open and honest  I was about what I was feeling.

I could have shut down after S broke my heart, but I chose to go on, chose to keep opening myself up to the men who came along after that. It may not be the smartest move, because it means I’m at risk for hurt, but I’m proud that I’ve been brave enough to put myself out there.  I know myself very well and have learned to throw caution to the wind. I go with my gut. I fall hard and I fall fast and that’s just who I am. When the time is right, I’ll find someone who will love that about me, who will appreciate and accept my honesty. Who knows, maybe I already have!***

***I’m exercising every ounce of patience I have, trying to do the right things with N, waiting for him to contact me. I’m not a very good waiter, but I feel like it’s the right thing to do in this instance. Fingers crossed it works!

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