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Internal struggle

July 7, 2010

I’ve come to a conclusion: I’m not a multi-dater. It’s not an entirely new revelation, though I’ve done it before with success. I have dated several guys at once in past within days of each other (last November), but the key difference then was that I didn’t have any interest in any of them. And even when I was in communication to have a second date with one of those guys (D), I still wasn’t really into him and therefore felt no qualms about dating someone else.

This time though, I have developed an interest in someone (N, who else?) and am feeling super weird about going out with another guy tonight.

Side note: It’s funny how my dating experiences seem to happen in groups. One month there’s no one of interest, the next it’s insanely busy!

I’m kind of at war with myself about this:

On the one hand, I don’t want to cancel because a) it seems rude since I’ve already committed to going; and b) I’ve only had one date with N; should I put all my eggs in one basket at this point?

But on the other hand, I do want to cancel because a) I almost feel like I’m cheating and that’s just not me; and b) it seems unfair to my date tonight that I may not be giving him my full attention.

I know myself. Once I’m into someone, I’m into them and no one else can compare. I’m not the girl who will keep dating to see if someone else better comes along. I don’t believe there is ever someone better; that belief is just a commitment phobia rising to the surface.  I like to focus on one person at the time, because that seems like the fair and right thing to do.

Sigh. I think I’m going to go, despite the internal war. But if all goes well on my date with N tomorrow, game over. No more dates (except with him of course). He does have me feeling smitten though and I have very positive vibes about the whole situation. He texted me today and said some nice things I won’t repeat, but let’s just say they made me smile. Aw 🙂

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