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Balancing Act

June 8, 2010

Well the wallows are subsiding and being replaced by the resignations. I’m resigned to the fact that things may not work out for the best. I’m not being positive or negative at this point, just kind of neutral. I’m not tipping the scale in either direction.

One of my friends suggested I go into our ‘date’ on Thursday with a breezy attitude, that this was just a little hiccup to get over and to not bring so much of the heaviness I’m feeling into the conversation. I’m going to try really hard to take her advice.

I wish things had not gone down the way they did, but I can’t change the past; I can only change how I deal with the future. What I want most though is to try and get across that I was happy with the way things were going, that the pace at which we were moving was perfect for me. I think though that with my personality, and my inability to hide what I’m feeling and not suppress my excitement when I’m feeling good about something, I may come across as being too sure, too certain and that can be a little scary for some people. I know that S resented and was scared off by how sure  I was about us. In this case, with M, all I am is certain that I want to keep getting to know him. I don’t know if I want to be with him for the long run, or if I even want a relationship with him. But I know that I want to find out.

I don’t think I should have to change who I am just to please a guy, but maybe I can try and explain my actions and help him understand how I work.

But again, I’m going to try and be breezy. Not too breezy, but not heavy either. Balance. I need to find a good balance.

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