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Crazy on the loose!

June 3, 2010

Let me start by saying that everything is fine between M and I (as far as I know). We’re seeing each other tonight (unless he ends up working OT again) and I’m going to try and resolve a few things between us.

But yesterday I was a wreck. M and I had a text conversation in the morning that I interpreted badly (the trouble with texting) and ended up worrying about for the rest of the day. I partly blame my PMS, which is unusually intense this month and seems to have brought on a severe case of paranoia. Also in the picture though is the fact that we haven’t seen each other in over a week, and the mis-communication from the weekend which is still unresolved (as far as I’m concerned). The combo of these three things brought my crazy to the surface and I’m sad to say I released it slightly on him. Not too intensely, and I think I successfully pulled myself out of the crazy zone by joking about my PMS, but still, I’m going to have to address it tonight to make sure I didn’t scare him off.

I’m also going to bring up the idea of texting and how to use that in our relationship. I’m ok with using it to check in with each other, a kind of way to let the other know you’re thinking of them, and as a flirting tool, but when it comes to more serious discussions, I want to move towards talking on the phone. When you text, you cannot know if the words are said in jest or in a more serious manner. You can’t hear the inflection of the person, you can’t interpret expression, and that, as I know first hand, leads to misunderstandings.

Texting also makes it difficult for conversation to flow. It’s very easy for a person to skip over something the other has said and zoom in on their next statement. It is then difficult for the other person to bring the conversation back around to their original point. It could be that I have experience with this too 🙂

I don’t want to let an electronic device ruin our chances at happiness. That is just plain sad and way to 21st century for me.

And so here’s hoping that tonight will be a night for resolution and renewal and even though all of this hoopla is most likely 99% in my head, I’ll feel like we’re back on track. There is nothing worse for me than feeling off kilter.

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