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Dear Men of the World

February 19, 2010

Dear Men,

None of us enjoy the craziness that women can bring to a relationship sometimes. It’s stressful for us and annoying to you.  We, the women, are built to analyze and think and are able to do this simultaneously with other tasks. Unlike you, the men, who are built to focus on one issue at a time.  But the crazy can be avoided. There are no faults, since most of it is genetically imprinted in our respective X and Y chromosomes, and we can’t help ourselves. And while women definitely have a part to play in controlling our crazy, there are things you can do to help.*

1. Understand that we operate differently from you – and we will do the same. I shouldn’t have to curb my nature and my needs in order to accommodate you, and neither will I expect you to do that. We should recognize how the other operates and work together, communicating, to find a healthy balance.

2. If you are intimate with us, things WILL BE different -It’s a scientific fact that when women are intimate they produce endorphins that mimic the feelings of being in love. Men, not so much. This ties in with #1. We can’t disassociate ourselves from sex like men can. Most women don’t become intimate with a man unless they feel an emotional connection. It doesn’t mean we’re madly in love with you, but you need to understand that most of the time, it is not just physical for us, and so you shouldn’t be surprised if we expect a little bit more from you after intimacy has occurred. The phrase “It was just sex” isn’t in our vernacular.

3. Communicate while apart – and I don’t mean we have to have hour long conversations every day we’re not together. I mean that part of the reason women get so needy is when we don’t hear from you for days on end. For years now women have been given the conflicting message that if a guy doesn’t call, he’s not interested. But this isn’t always the case. So if you want to keep our anxieties from building to the point where we become unrecognizable as the strong, independent, confident women we know we are, stay in touch. Call, text, email, send flowers. We don’t care. Just a ‘hey how are you?” is great. If you’re going to be away or too busy to talk, let us know. A quick “Hey, just wanted to say hi and let you know I won’t be in touch for a few days” is sufficient. We will be able to relax and be patient, giving you the time you need,  knowing that you’re being considerate of our feelings and maintaining interest in us. It’s that easy.

4. Rejection – if you think that staying silent when you realize you’re not interested is the way to keep us from getting hurt, you’re sorely mistaken. Your silence only makes things worse. We’ll become confused, frustrated, angry and hurt, wondering what WE did wrong, and it’s likely we’ll become clingy and needy in a desperate attempt to fix things. We don’t like feeling ignored. If you come right out and tell us, we’ll have closure and be able to move on. Yes, we’ll be hurt and sad, but at least we’ll know what’s going on and will be able to deal. For me personally, I can handle rejection a whole lot better than uncertainty.

5. Space – we are more than happy to give you space and room. Just tell us!! Most of us have no desire to be in your constant presence (we like space too), but if you disappear without telling us, that’s when our crazy will come out (see above #3).

6. Respond and acknowledge – there is nothing we like more than acknowledgment that we’ve been heard. If you need time to think about what was said, say that. We will give you the time you need. It’s when you seem indifferent that our defenses rise up and the crazy is exposed and we demand an answer ASAP.

That’s all I have for now. Seems kind of simple, and it really can be that easy. The common thread? Communication. It’s key.

In conclusion, if you do your part, we’ll do ours.

Sincerely,

C

*based on my experiences with the opposite sex and discussions with other women

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One Comment leave one →
  1. February 19, 2010 2:40 pm

    I totally agree C! All guys should read this!

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