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Le sigh

February 9, 2010

I’m having a ho-hum day. Yesterday I wasn’t feeling well, really dragged down and tired. I’m not as exhausted today, but I’m having a slightly stressful day as far as dating.

I totally caved and texted A. I almost did last night, and had hoped I could hold out, but it had been since last Wednesday. And another message 6 days later definitely does not constitute stalking, so I texted. As usual, it was brief, but I did ask when he was coming home. He’s not sure. Le sigh.

I’m at a crossroads. I really like him. I want to see where things could go. But how long do I wait? I have no idea when he’ll be back. He hasn’t given me the impression that he’s not interested, with the exception of the lack of communication, but I chalk that up to him being a guy; he’s been busy with work, and when work is an issue for men, they have this ability to focus on little else. I’m not a priority right now. Which is fine, I don’t expect to be at this point. However, it’s frustrating for me because I’d like to move forward but he’s not in the same emotional zone yet, let alone the same province! I don’t know how to balance what I need and what he’s able to give at the moment. And I start questioning if I need too much too soon? It’s so hard to figure out. I guess it comes down to the fact that he’s not in the same place as me. I really wish I could find someone who was….

I’ve decided I need to keep hunting. In an effort to distance myself a bit, I did go online and send messages to a couple of guys. I left things open with A, saying ‘hopefully I’ll see you soon’, so he knows I’m receptive to seeing him again. If he gets in touch, I’ll respond positively, for sure. But I think I need to try and lessen my focus on him, and date other guys. I’m not sure I’m capable of that, since I’m still tied to A emotionally, but I’ll give it a go!

What I’d like to know is: to all you reading this who are married or otherwise partnered up…what was it like when you first started dating your person? What was the communication like? How often did you see each other? Can you remember feeling anxious and scared and frustrated? I think I just need to know that I’m not the only one going through this. I know I’m not, but so many of my friends have been with someone forever, it just makes me wonder.

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