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Funny in a WTF kind of way

February 4, 2010

Funny how you can go from feeling serene calmness to butterfly anxiety in the space of a few hours. Not funny haha but funny WTF.

I did hear back from A, and we had a brief text exchange (he’s still out west), which was as usual one worded on his part (I’m getting used to that) and more wordy on mine. After we’d ‘signed off’, I sent him a text as an after thought, saying that if he needed a ride from the airport when he came home, that I’d be happy to pick him up (this was also a sly way of trying to find out when he’s coming home. I’m so not asking!). My gut says it was a nice gesture on my part, but my head is butting in and saying maybe he’ll misinterpret it as being too girlfriend-esque. Why is my head butting in? Because he never responded to my offer.

Again, there could be any number of reasons he didn’t respond. And what I said didn’t necessarily prompt a response (though personally, I would say thank you for offering). So I’m not freaking out or anything. Just mildly anxious. I have to stop being afraid of how the things I say will be interpreted. Again, it’s the conditioning thing. Women are taught to be careful with how we word things so as not to frighten the easily spooked men away (sorry guys, but that’s the way you’re portrayed). I’ll drive myself nuts worrying about every little word. It comes down to trust again. I just have to trust.

I need a drink.

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