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February 3, 2010

It was actually more of an ‘Hola!’, but the message is clear. I sent A a text awhile ago just to say hi. No response yet, but again, I”m not panicking. He’s busy with work stuff on the west coast with a three hour time difference, or he could be traveling. Or maybe he’s just waiting for a good time. Regardless of the reason, I”m confident I’ll hear from him. I just wanted him to know I’m thinking of him. It’s also a way of me letting him know that even though he hasn’t been in touch the past few days, that I’ll be happy to hear from him when he does get back to me. There’s a lot stuffed packed into that one little word.

I’ve tossed all the ‘rules’ out the window. Typically, what I’ve read is that the woman should wait for the guy to contact her. Maybe if this was a normal dating situation, but it’s not. Every situation is unique and you have to tailor things to fit your needs, and his. I will wait, to an extent, but the reality is that this is a modern world where anything goes. And I hate that women have been conditioned to think that if we express interest the guy will lose his. If my obvious interest turns him off, he’s not the guy for me. Because the guy for me will be flattered that I’m interested enough to take a risk.

I also hate that women have been conditioned to think that if a guy hasn’t gotten in touch, that he’s not into her. That’s just not true! I feel like the various books that address dating are detrimental, rather than helpful, because it causes us to analyze every single detail, rather than going with our gut and our heart. Over-thinking causes some serious anxiety (in me at least), and since my breakdown a couple weeks ago, I’ve been careful not to think to much, but rather go with what I’m feeling about a situation. Despite not hearing from A for a few days two weeks ago, he was still obviously into me. So that’s what I’m going with now. Until I’m told otherwise, I have to trust.

I’ve touched on this before, but trust is difficult for me, after last year’s debacle with S. He told me things I thought were true, but later learned he’d just said to keep me. But I refuse to project his asswipe-ness onto other men. It’s not fair to them, and it’s sure as hell not going to get me anywhere. So I risk and I trust.

One thing I did read in the dating books that I completely agree with is that your attitude going into a new dating situation has to be an open one. You won’t get anywhere if you haven’t acknowledged or dealt with issues stemming from past experiences.

So ya, that ‘Hey’ has a lot of side meanings, not just for him, but for me as well. I’m flipping the bird to my anxieties. See ya!

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